What should you do if you suspect the other parent is trying to aileniate your child?

If you are a parent who is a victim of parental alienation syndrome, it may have struck without warning and you are wracking your brain trying to figure out what happened. Many alienated parents find it difficult to control their anger and hurt over being treated so poorly by their child and ex-spouse.

Experts on alienation suggest the following ways to cope with the problem:

• Try to control your anger and stay calm and in control of your own behavior.
• Keep a log of events as they happen, describing in detail what happened and when.
• Always call or pick up your child (children) at scheduled times, even when you know the child won't be available. This is likely painful, but you must be able to document to the court that you tried to see your child and were refused.
• During time spent with your children, focus on positive activities and reminisce with your child about previous good times you had together.
• Never discuss the court case with your child.
• Try not to argue with or be defensive with your children. Focus on talking openly about what your children is actually seeing and feeling, as opposed to what the children is being told is the truth.
• Work on improving your parenting skills by taking parenting courses, reading parenting books, etc. so that you can be the best possible parent to your child.
• If possible, get counseling for your child, preferable with a therapist trained to recognize and treat parental alienation syndrome. If its not possible to get your child counseling, go to counseling yourself to learn how to react to and counteract the problem.
• Don't do anything to violate the court orders or otherwise be an undesirable parent. Pay your child support on time and fulfill your parenting obligations to the letter.
• Don't react to the alienation behavior by engaging in alienating behavior towards your ex-spouse. This just makes things worse and further harms the child.
• If you are not getting your court-ordered time with your child, go back to court and ask that the parent be held in contempt of court. The sooner the court knows about the violation of the court order, the more likely the problem can be stopped before it becomes permanent and irreversible. If your custody order is not specific as to exact times and dates you are to be with your children, ask the court to make the order very specific so there can be no doubt what is required.
• Try not to blame your child. Your children did not create the situation, and desperately needs your love and affection.
  

It is my hope that this series on Parental Alienation Syndrome has helped some of you out there that are suffering as I am from this terrible situation. I know what it is like to experience this. When I first read this, I realized that almost every bullet point was an exact match of what is going on with my children. Hopefully it is not too late and we can salvage some sort or relationship with my children. If you have comments of questions you can contact me directly on the blog under the link to the left. More to come in the future about this terrible abuse that is occurring more than many of us realize.